Practice of Generosity

Q: In terms of generosity, it’s said that even if a monk is teaching people the Dhamma, he should start with teaching them about generosity, the benefits of giving. Why?

N: Well, because generosity forces you to give things up. People’s lives, certainly people that have not encountered Dhamma, or even have a vague inkling towards relinquishment, dispassion, letting go of attachments, it’s all about gathering, owning, increasing, possessing. So the benefits of generosity, generosity’s good and nice, and it will make you feel good, and make others feel good. Even if you’re still not interested in Dhamma. But also, incidentally, generosity will make you give things up and feel good on account of it. Give something of yours, part of your wealth, earnings, possessions, and you will enjoy the fact that somebody’s happy on account of it, and can benefit from it, and is grateful. But you have factually given it up as well. So you enjoy as well something that you gave up. Because yeah, it is a factually uplifting, less constricted state of mind, giving.

Now, you know, there can be many layers of giving, some people give but expect stuff. That doesn’t matter. In itself, the phenomenon of giving does require giving up. I can’t give it to you if I don’t give it up. As simple as that. So that thread remains wholesome throughout the giving, even if I give it with small print or something. It’s still good to give. Sure, the best way to give is when you yourself are completely not attached to what you’re giving. So, an arahant giving to an arahant is the greatest gift, but mind you, none of them needs any merit anyway, because they’re arahants. So that’s why the gift is purified by the virtue of the giver, or the virtue of the receiver, as in, how little he is attached to these things.

Q: You were saying people get really into it, because, I would say, it provides a sense of security.

N: It does, it does, and it is an uplifting thing. So it’s not just all in your head, it’s a factually greater state of mind than the mind of one who doesn’t give. Because look at it like, the mind that doesn’t give means it’s the mind that always revolves around habits of taking, possessing, owning, protecting, worrying about it, having, controlling things that are unownable, can not be protected, and that will be taken away. So the only way to sustain that is to keep doubling down in that sense. So that’s why the Buddha referred to people with a miserly mind, that through lack of wisdom become like that, they are then headed for bad destinations and so on. Not because they harmed anybody, just because they constricted their minds more, and more, and more. Well, giving prevents you, giving is like a valve to that constriction. It will release that. Even if you don’t like it, even if you don’t feel great on account of giving, the fact that you made yourself give up something to someone else’s benefit, it’s good in that sense. It will force at least that extent of your mind to open up.

It’s not like ‘oh, by giving, you give a piece of yourself away’ or something, that’s just poetry that people like to talk about. No, it’s just, phenomenologically speaking, the act of giving requires you to give up at least that thing. You give up more, it means greater elevation of your mind, because you’ve forced your mind to back off. Step away from this. You can not constrict yourself over this. So by giving, you prevent your mind, with its own ignorance, to develop a sense of ownership and latch on to it. And sure, if you become attached to giving, great, even better. So you become attached to an elevated state of mind. It’s still an attachment, but it’s a better attachment. On account of the attachment of generosity, you actually can even get to understand then the true purpose of generosity, which is that. Forcing your mind to expand. That’s why generosity, friendliness, all of that goes hand-in-hand. It’s a less limiting state of mind.

Q: And a person that’s not being generous, being stingy, why do you think a person does that? Why would a person be stingy?

N: Insecurity. Fear of non-control. A proliferated sense of self that’s now being threatened by even mere things that you don’t have, or you can’t have. The whole sense of self and ownership, it’s not this fixed thing. The more you go down that way, the more it will need for its maintenance. That’s why you have people who have everything and still, still it’s never enough. Because they’ve psychologically become locked into that pattern of always seeing that it’s never enough. Because it can not be owned to begin with. You can have all the money, but you feel that it’s not fundamentally in your control. Deep down, you know that. Why? Because you could die at any given moment. The economy could crash at any given moment. Thieves can come and steal it at any given moment. And all that’s implicit in your ownership. If you don’t own it, how can you be affected if it changes or goes away? That’s exactly the whole point.

I mean, when the Buddha encouraged those monks in the forest, when he said ‘monks, would you be upset if people come and start collecting these branches, and breaking them, and burning them?’ They say, ‘no, we wouldn’t. Why is that? Because these branches mean nothing to us. They’re not mine, I have no concern over them’. ‘Exactly, so that’s how you should regard your own body, your own senses, things that you do have concern over.’ Remove the concern, recognise that in its nature, it’s truly subjected to change, and that’s something you can not affect, or control, or repossess. So, people who are stingy or miserly lack wisdom in that regard. They see that that is unchangeable and ignore it, and as a result of it, they keep doubling down on the action of more ownership, and more control. Because they ignore the fact that they already know that it’s not in their control.

Q: So there is this one Sutta where the Buddha is speaking to a general, general Sīha. And that general asks the Buddha, ‘what are the benefits, visible here and now, of generosity?’ And the Buddha replies that, there are four benefits that you can see here now, the fifth benefit is rebirth in heavenly realms, but you can’t see that now. So the general just goes by faith, he believes the Buddha. But the four benefits here and now are that people like you, because you give. A good reputation gets spread. And wise people praise you. And you are confident in amongst any assembly of people. Whether it be holy people, royals, rich people, skilful people.

N: So why would you not be as confident if you’re not generous, in any assembly, and then why would generosity make you more confident, in any assembly? Because, as I said, it’s a less limiting state of mind. Lack of confidence is an extremely constricted state of mind, where you just fear, and you’re insecure in regard to everything, and every movement, and others, and so on. So, through generosity, as I said, you’re forcing your mind to expand. It is a state of mind that is more expansive than non-generosity, as simple as that. And when the state of mind is more expansive, it is less constricted, less afraid, less able to twitch to the left or to the right on the basis of perception of insecurities and so on. Because it’s more expansive, so it can take more. And you do more of that, the more confident you will be. Not conceited confident or something, trying to override everybody. No, simply less moved, because the mind is broader.

Q: Because what I saw in this Sutta is the cure for social anxiety that lots of people have.

N: Well, exactly. Social anxiety, anxiety because of others, because of which I don’t engage with others, because of which my anxiety increases, because of which I don’t engage with others, so it’s a vicious circle. Well, generosity is a nice way to engage with others. So you start breaking the vicious circle of not engaging with others, through engaging with others, through generosity. And that little bit is enough to set your mind, at least to some extent, in that direction of expansion. It’s not an intentional thing, but by being generous, you force your mind to look up a bit more. And that will diminish your anxiety on account of looking down and hiding it. As simple as that.

Q: Because there’s also that fear of not being liked, or being laughed at, or being mocked.

N: Yeah, yeah, exactly. And that will remain, it’s not like you will not have those thoughts if you’ve been having those thoughts, but through generosity, you get to override it. You get to elevate your mind above those thoughts. And then it doesn’t matter if they laugh at me or something, what matters is that I actually did a generous deed. That’s why generosity’s a practice. It’s not like you do a generous act and suddenly have this religious experience. Although if somebody’s been very miserly it might feel like that! Any little expansion, for an extremely constricted mind, will feel like a religious revelation. But generosity is a practice. So you do it, you develop it, you use wisdom, obviously you don’t start giving everything carelessly, when your own family’s starving or something. But, when you can, if you earn more, you always dedicate part for giving. And you don’t overthink it, you don’t make demands, just find where it’s good to give, who can help, who can be helped, and do it. And then practise doing it.

And again, you will build it up, the behaviour of generosity, that will then be a phenomenon in your mind, seen as such. Not just when you’re giving, even generally, ‘I am a generous person’ and that knowledge will be there, and that’s exactly the benefit of it. That knowledge will be in others as well. Not like you have to have an audience when you’re giving all the time, but if you’ve been practising giving sufficiently enough, it will be known. And you wouldn’t care whether it’s known or not, but it will be known, that’s a fact. That’s why the Buddha lists it as one of the inevitable benefits of it. So it’s a practice that should be developed and encouraged. For the individual benefit of your own mind expansion, and the benefit of others, of course. And then it can encourage others to be generous and help. Which will then in turn help their own minds from the state of stinginess, overly controlling, possessive, and so on. Because, again, a simple reflection: what can you keep? What can you keep at the end of your life? It’s this idea, even when you die your possessions will stay yours. But that idea exists in people’s minds just because they never think about it. But being generous, you realise, no, honestly, how much do I need? And then you can always find room for some generosity and then make a practice out of it.